GC: You’re constantly taught that you have to be tough, you have be unbreakable. TPM: What's the most harmful thing you were taught about being a man that you’ve had to unlearn? Well, let's go play sports and I'll show you how good I am on the field." That maybe just distracted people and also kind of just held onto my own view of masculinity, at that time, when I was that young. So I would use my athletic ability as sort of a defense mechanism to show people and say, "You’re calling me a faggot on the playground and that's implying I'm a sissy. I didn't fully recognize that I was gay, but I knew that when people were calling me these things, it was a problem, and that it was going to affect my positioning within the social fabric of my school. I used to get called "Gayson" on the playground. A lot of people are like, "Oh, well, in Oklahoma it has to be extra horrible, right?" And my response is always that I don't think I experienced anymore homophobia than any other kid growing up in an American white suburb. GC: I was born and raised in Oklahoma but in a pretty affluent suburb outside of Oklahoma City. Were you called gay before you came out? Did you ever call anyone else gay as an insult? TPM: As I'm sure you know, not being "girly or gay" is one of the main ways we as a culture define manhood for boys. So I think I'm still asking questions too, you know? I'm still curious. My biggest question was, why did I feel a certain way towards people that are like me, and why does that affect my masculinity? I didn’t understand.Īnd I'll be completely honest, in terms of questions about gender, it wasn't until I became friends with people in the trans community and actually had real conversations with them that I began to understand gender in a much, much bigger way. GC: I think I had been taught that if I liked boys, that was emasculating. TPM: What questions did you have about gender, especially masculinity, as a young person? And how did you find the answers to those questions? It means taking care of the people around you, sticking up for your friends, sticking up for your family, being brave, not stepping away from a challenge.
![more masculine gay men are coming out more masculine gay men are coming out](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/75/c6/8b/75c68b91e9e4c207c90284bcfd058fc4.jpg)
![more masculine gay men are coming out more masculine gay men are coming out](https://static01.nyt.com/images/2014/01/02/fashion/02ANCHOR_SPAN/02ANCHOR_SPAN-master1050.jpg)
I think, for me, it really goes back to principles. It has nothing to do with the way you dress or the way you talk, or how you identify. I'm starting to realize as I'm getting older that being a man and being firm in your masculinity is so far removed from an exterior vision of it. TPM: Has your idea of what being a man means changed since you were 16?